PPK (Portal Pism Kultowych)

Off-Topic => Enklawa Ascota 2.0 => Wątek zaczęty przez: Koki w 2006-06-05 (Pon), 19:26

Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-06-05 (Pon), 19:26
Peter: (Pacing back and forth) ....So, I'm thinking that it could be based off the Total War strategic map, with inner sphere planets used instead of european provinces.

Sid: (Rapidly typing) Sounds simple enough. It should work really well in a turn-bsaed environment.

Peter: Tactical maps would vary depending on the planet type and what part of the planet you decide to assault.

Sid: I think if we limit unit sizes to lances and slow down the tactical battles from Rome to Medieval speed, it should work pretty well.

Peter: ...fully destructible environments for forest and city battlegrounds.

Sid: Obviously...

Peter: Each faction should have a distinct AI personality. Kurita and Lao Houses will be more agressive, while Steiner and Davion will seek diplomatic methods.

Sid: Ok, I can just tweak my Alpha Centauri AI and pop it in there.

Peter: We could even throw in internal conflicts among house family members.

Sid: Kind of like the breakoff factions in Rome TW Barbarian Invasion. That's real good. It'll increase the depth of the strategic portion of the game. Especially with naming heirs for each house.

Peter: Exactly. And each family member would have a distinct personality that provides bonuses or penalties, like the family members in Total War.

Sid: Excellent.

Peter: ComStar can demand crusades against individual planets, or declare an embargo against a planet.

Sid: I like that. It's kind of like the pope in Medieval, or the Church in Emperor of the Fading Suns.

Peter: Obviously, at some point, since it's a Total War-style game, some sort of barbarian invasion is needed.

Both: .....The Clans!!!

Sid: Wow. I think this might work. This sounds real good Pete!

Peter: We need some sort of gothic/techno fusion music for atmosphere.

Sid: I have Jeremy Soule's number on speed dial for that.

Peter: And the game should cure cancer.

Sid: ......what? I mean did you just say.....

Peter: Cancer. The game should cure it. Just stare at the monitor, and the distinct radiation emitted from the mechwarrior color palette will seek out tumors and destroy them.

Sid: You realize this is...scientifically impossible.

Peter: I'm thinking the music should smell like Cherry Soda.

Sid: ....I hate you.

Peter: This calls for a man who thinks exactly as a computer does. One who can never be understood in conversation or an interview without a PHD. But he'll know how to create an anti-cancer ray from a monitor, and a cherry soda smell from speakers with the proper vibration.

We must call...John Carmack.

John:*Arriving in a puff of black smoke which sounds remarkably like a spinning hard drive* Dealing with all the analytically difficult issues with something like distributed ray tracing solves lots of problems, but isn't very compatible with existing hardware acceleration methods.

Sid:My god...it's full of stars...

[a while later]

Sid: No we can't make the drop ships give stock tips, Pete! Goddam it why can't I work with someone who actually can think in and out of the box at the same time?

(In floats Will Wright.)

Will: Of course, customization will be key. I say, let each player design his own clan. Let's say you want to have a MadCat only clan. You can do that. Let's say you want only green Atlases. THe files are designed that you can design a mech to match that. Then your clan can be downloaded to an online database where it can be accessed byother gamers in a Meta-inntersphere community. Then I'll suck your cash and lifeblood from you with expansion packs containing features that could have easily been supplied in the original game and this excites me as a designer.

(Will disappears in a cloud of abstract thought.)

Sid: I hate when he does that.

Pete: ...and once the bloom lighting is added, people will no longer need nutrients...

(John Romero the intern walks in)

John: Everyone's my *****!

Sid: Yeah, uh, thanks for that John. Run down to the deli and get my coffee and some horse tranquilizers for Mr. Theoretically impossible here.

Pete: Should Jesus provide the FAQ?

Sid: ....no.

American McGee slides in on his own reputation)

American: Let's put my name on the front of the title. That way, everyone know will truly know what the game is all about.

Sid: You mean a decent game overly-hyped as a ground breaking genre-buster simply because a pretentious designer put his unusual name on the front thinking that this would cover up the inherent flaws of the code because he's so l33t 3xtr3m3?

American: Uh, yeah. Besides, it worked for you.

Sid: That's because my games are good, and I only did that after I had an established reputation. Whereas you are now the M. Night Shyamalan of game designers.

American: Is that a complement?

Sid: No. Now go help John get my coffee. He probably got stuck at a doorway. Just look for the guy calling everyone his *****.

Pete: ...the patch will include orgasms!

Sid: Yeah, I'm, uh, sure it will, Pete.

(In walks Warren Specter.)

Warren: I was thinking that if we..

Sid/Pete: You're fired.

Warren: WhaWhaWHA? But ,I mean, come on! Deus Ex, System Shock, Ultima Underworld, F'ing Thief! Huh? HUH?

Sid: Good stuff, Warren. Great stuff actually, and believe me I wish i could use you. But you're too good to be appreciated by the gaming comunity. So the producers have cleaned out your desk and given your paycheck to Romero.

John: Now you're my *****!

Sid: Shut up and keep mopping.

John: *****!

Pete: Our game will run on the power of peas. It simply must.

(Enter Bill Roper.)

Roper: You know, what this game really needs is more clicking.

Sid: Clicking?

Roper: Yeah, you know, clicking. With the mouse. Click to kill things, click to move, click to use things. Ideally the gamer would develop arthritis within two to six weeks.

Pete: And then... the game can cure arthritis!

Roper: No. No, it doesn't.

Pete: But...

Roper: Start clicking, *****. Start clicking.

John: He said *****!

(Tim Shafer gallops in on a pink horse followed by a mariachi band)

Tim: Here's what I think.

Sid: No. Just go Tim. Trust me. Just go.

Tim: Why? You need me! No one makes games as original as I do!!!

Sid: *Sigh* I know, Tim, you're one of the best...

Tim: I mean I came up with Day of the Tentacle, Full Throttle, Grim Fandango, and F'ing Psychonauts!!!

Sid: *Sigh* Yes, Tim, all classics no legitimate gamer should miss...

John: Is he my new *****?

Sid: Shut up and collate John.

Tim: I could pull a game about about a Zombie circus out of my ass and it would get game of the year nominations!

Sid: And it would probably sell as well as those guys did right?

Tim: That's, that's not fair...I, I, I'm just misunderstood...

Sid: You mean like Pete here?

Pete: If the game uses Pig Latin we could use it to go back in time!!!

Sid: No, no we can't Pete.

(Derek Smart kicks open the door.)

Derek: You want a game?!?!? I got your game right here!!

(Derek gets on Sid's desk and takes a massive dump.)

Derek: You see that pile of ****? That's my game. It's the best game ever. I made it. It's magnificent. No one helped me. I'm brilliant. There's a few bugs crawling around in it, but the game is what it is. I wanted to release that **** later, but the producers working with me demanded I **** now. I'm suing them so I can **** when I want to. You can't saddle this wild stalion!

(Derek wipes his ass with his resume and walks out.)

John: He's my hero. I will be his *****.

Sid: That's actually a step up for you at this point.

American: He should put his name in the front of it.

Tim: Unfortunately, it'll probably sell better than my games.

Warren: He'll probably get my office space.

(Pete walks in.)

Pete: I figured out how to harness the power of monkeys for cell shading and...oh, did Derek stop by?

Tomonobu Itagaki saunters into the squabbling congress of game designers, accompanied by two blank-eyed, busty booth babes.
Itagaki: Great ideas gentlemen, but it's lacking something special, and I know just what that something is: ****. Big, bouncy, exquisite ****. Also, the game should be an X-Box 360 exclusive.
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Xtense w 2006-06-05 (Pon), 19:38
Hahaha :D

Good stuff, gdzie to dorwałeś? :)
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-06-05 (Pon), 20:03
W Internecie
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Einnar w 2006-06-05 (Pon), 20:24
nie chce mi się tego czytać
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-06-05 (Pon), 20:33
Ty i tak byś nie zrozumiał
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Psedlo`s w 2006-06-05 (Pon), 20:57
Mi też się niechce... może ktoś nagrać czytanie tego po polsku?
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: kYuba w 2006-06-05 (Pon), 23:44
Good stuff, gdzie to dorwałeś?

zaraz, zaraz... a gdzie "old"?
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Psedlo`s w 2006-06-06 (Wto), 00:13
Wyszedł do salonu Peugota
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Xtense w 2006-06-06 (Wto), 06:12
Tu nie 4chan, where every repost is repost repost.
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-06-06 (Wto), 06:42
Choć niewiele brakuje...
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Ascot w 2006-06-09 (Pią), 10:41
to co, zmieniamy nazwę z "Testy" na "/b/ - Random" ?
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Psedlo`s w 2006-06-09 (Pią), 12:23
Proponowałbym raczej "True PPK story"
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: ignus w 2006-06-09 (Pią), 19:32
a co ma piernik do wiatraka?
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-06-09 (Pią), 20:05
W wiatraku mieli się ziarno na mąkę której używa się przy wyrobie ciasta na pierniki

lurk more, noob
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Xtense w 2006-06-09 (Pią), 22:20
hihih, Captain Obvious kusi, ale to jest zbyt Obvious.
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Ascot w 2006-06-10 (Sob), 10:15
PIERNIK - 7 liter
WIATRAK - 7 liter

Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-06-11 (Nie), 22:49
<MrsAnonymous> Sephiroth VS Link for example.
<MrsAnonymous> Link is a very skilled swordsmen
<MrsAnonymous> But he has faults.
<MrsAnonymous> One handed shortsword
<Koki> Sephiroth would win because of longer reach
<MrsAnonymous> And he isn't as fast
<MrsAnonymous> Not entirely!
<MrsAnonymous> Link has parry skills not many can match
<Koki> Well, considering Seph's katana is magically made to not follow laws of physics
<MrsAnonymous> he has not only a blade but a shield.
<Lioran> i would win because of my infinite love and hatred for the world.
<Koki> A buckler more like...
<MrsAnonymous> Sephiroths blade is just long, and tough.
<MrsAnonymous> Master sword would slice it in half.
<MrsAnonymous> with enough force.
<MrsAnonymous> But let's look at how the fight would go.
<MrsAnonymous> Like would use an aura shield.
<MrsAnonymous> Sephiroth would use bolt 3.
<MrsAnonymous> kill the shield.
<Tinal> now now now
<MrsAnonymous> they would engage.
<Tinal> we all know that Link would kick Seph's ass
<MrsAnonymous> Likely Link would fall.
<Eronarn> Link has the mirror shield
<Eronarn> You dumbass
<MrsAnonymous> That's true!
<Koki> I question your objectivity
<MrsAnonymous> He does have a morrior shield.
<MrsAnonymous> Mirrior*
* `irie (irie_Ho_s_@|Hostage|.420.gamesurge) has joined #spyderlake
* ChanServ sets mode: +o `irie
<MrsAnonymous> But what does botl 3 do?
<MrsAnonymous> It's not just a bolt.
<Tinal> it's an AOE spell
<MrsAnonymous> it's an area attack
<MrsAnonymous> Right.
<Tinal> however, link could just cower under the shield
<Kirtaner>  rob: k, we all know that Navi is the true one to win; death by annoyance.
<MrsAnonymous> He could, yes.
<MrsAnonymous> But that breaks his aura shield
<Tinal> rob, 'sup?
<Eronarn> more like LIGHT ARROWS
<Tinal> denis attack you yet?
<MrsAnonymous> It would be an awesome fight
<MrsAnonymous> no doubt
<Kirtaner> rob: n/m
<Kirtaner> rob: uhhh no?
<Koki> Sephiroth is gay, and Link is an elf, means gay
<MrsAnonymous> Link isn't skilled enough.
<Koki> So they would make a fanfic or something
<MrsAnonymous> Link learned how?he picked up a sword and shield and went into a Deku tree.
<MrsAnonymous> He isn't trained by anyone but himself.
<Eronarn> He doesn't need training, he is a born hero
<MrsAnonymous> Right.
<Eronarn> That is the whole point of his existence
<MrsAnonymous> Not true.
<MrsAnonymous> Link was never meant to be a hero.
<MrsAnonymous> he made himself the hero.
<MrsAnonymous> When he withdrew the Master sword he was granted the role.
<Eronarn> Have you actually played any of the Zelda games
<Eronarn> Link is constantly reincarnated to serve as the hero
<MrsAnonymous> He looked like he could FIT the role of the Hyrulian Hero.
<MrsAnonymous> That's why the deku tree sent him out
<Eronarn> It is not just retelling the same story again and again
<Eronarn> Each Zelda game takes place at a different point in the chronology
<Koki> I just like to point out that this is the nerdiest discussion I ever saw and I'm saving it
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Xtense w 2006-06-11 (Nie), 23:28
zoomj Link! *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap* *fap*
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-06-18 (Nie), 21:04
wtf soemone said wow was a gg game?!?!?
l2p ur game u fkin noobsauce fgt. probably a fkin dps class nub that just afk's mostly in game urself roll a real class and l2p @ life. lawl u need to fkin get a rl hobby if u act think u can play for 6 hrs in a 40 man raid instance w/o going afk to take a piss thus mking the other fkin nubs realize they've not moved for 4 hrs so they ned to piss too and make everyone wait like 15 min as thishappens... l2 bring ur fkin flasks on ur runtoo cuz god knows how mane times u had to fkin hearth n get ur mats but ur hearth wuz down fkin asking locks in org or IF(if ur nub af) for a fkin summ.. l2p plz... its called life... and its something u cant have @ wow.... lawl... farm some more honor @ pvp cuz u have no skill @ a real game...
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-07-02 (Nie), 07:36
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Xtense w 2006-07-08 (Sob), 15:31
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Koki w 2006-07-08 (Sob), 15:37
Zaraz zaraz... mordor?
Tytuł: Nerd jokes
Wiadomość wysłana przez: Xtense w 2006-07-08 (Sob), 15:38
Too late lol :) .